Germany, Day 5

Weight: 69,8 kgs

Sorry for not bloggin yesterday (although who am I apologising to?)

Had a pretty busy day. I didn't make it to the gym, but I did do some Body Balance in the lounge room in the morning :) Today, though, I'm going to Balance and Pump at the gym and will hopefully get some cardio in beforehand.

As you can see my weight has hardly changed, but god considering the amounts I have been eating I should have gained at least a kg already! It needs to stop. Last night I had stacks of nanna's homemade cookies, and some chocolate, but then I also had an incecream. Secretly. I felt so gross. I didn't need it. Why did I do it?

I really don't want to spend every day here bingeing. It's so crap. But I know complaining doesn't help (because isn't that what I have been doing for the past few days?). I guess I just have to stop this from becoming more of a habit before it's too late. Caus let's face it, I'm doing this mainly because it's habitual, cause I am used to going to bed feeling kinda gross, like I've eaten too much sugar.
And it shouldn't be like that.

I think what  I need is some positive reinforcement. Although I have put on weight since I was last here, it doens't mean that I can't lose it again. And even moreso, it doesn't mean that I will keep putting on more and more. Cookies and Christmas treats taste good in moderation, too. I don't need to binge on them. If I have a cookie today, I can have another one tomorrow. It's not like I will taste anything for the last time today. So I don't need to eat it all at once. There is no point in getting myself down about my weight, because it will only make me binge. I don't need to binge. I am not defined through an eating disorder. Actually, let's say that again: I am not defined through an eating disorder. And that means that I don't have to binge.

These are my decisions, and I can change them.