Saturday, 17 July 2010


This blog's sole purpose is to remind myself of my own most powerful tool: Change.
I know that it's the most logical concept there is, but for some reason it's also one of the hardest to put into action. So often I say: "If you don't like it, change it. Easy" Maybe it's time to practise what I preach (actually, let's scrap the 'maybe').

The one thought I had before was this: The only place change can happen is within myself. It's as simple and obvious as that. If I want my body, my life, my thoughts or my behaviour to change, I have to start at the root of it all, which is within.
It's so obvious I wonder why I'm even writing it down, but I am writing it down because although I know it, I don't live by it.

I want to start making small changes that will hopefully turn into big changes and eventually into permanent change.
I'm currently trying to decide wether to ditch the scales and/or the calorie counting. I'm not sure if either would be beneficial. In the past, whenever I have ditched one or the other, I seem to have given myself an awful lot of freedom, which I would then abuse by bingeing, because I can't see the damage in numbers (cal or kgs...)
On the other hand, looking at a low daily calorie total and a low weight on the scales has led to many many binges, so obviously that isn't the ideal solution either.
I'm thinking I might, maybe for a week, just try and plan my food one day in advance, and then stick to that. So I will still have it written down, but without numbers. And I was also thinking to weigh at night. I weigh anything from 2-4kgs more at night (ridiculous, but I do drink a lot of water as well) as opposed to in the morning. So I think seeing a higher weight might be better motivation.. Plus, I weigh at night anwyway, so it would basically just mean avoiding the morning weigh in, which I dread anyway.
Should those be my first two small changes then? I think so.

1) Plan food one day in advance.
2) Only weigh at night.

I will do this just for a week, until next Monday, and see how I go.

Today and yesterday I sort of binged by the way. Yesterday was more mindless eating of leftovers, though, and today was within a social setting, so more overeating then bingeing, and I even resisted the urge to stop and buy chocolate on the way home. I had vegies instead :)
Still, I feel pretty disgusting. I feel lethargic, frustrated, bloated. I know most of it is because I am sick, which also means I can't exercise (exercise being my one body confidence booster). But it will pass. Catch you guys tomorrow!!


1 comment:

  1. Hi M,

    I think the best thing you can do is learn to trust yourself. Ditch the calorie counting. It may seem scary at first, but I think (speaking from experience) that it places too much emphasis on food, and fuels the obsession. Maybe just concentrate on eating healthier foods without worrying about the calories. Be firm in not eating any treat foods (for the time being). The less treat foods you eat, the less you will actually want them. And replacing them with healthier foods will ensure that you are getting more vitamins/minerals (which may help in preventing a binge).

    If you can learn to trust yourself (this will take time), then you will no longer fear being out of control. Binges will lose their power and will no longer have a hold over you.

    You have already identified your triggers. Really work hard at fixing the gaps in your life so that there is less chance of using your addiction to numb the feelings.

    This is all easier said than done. But I have faith in you. You can do it. You deserve to be happy nad live your best life......