Saturday, 10 July 2010

Men. (OT)

Wow, time is flying. Wasn't I gonna blog every day? But anyway, am here now, it's been a bit busy. I'm still on uni holidays, and while last week I was over them, now I wish the next 2 weeks would be longer, I don't really wanna go back.

I've been doing very well with my food which is great. Yesterday though I went out drinking etc, but it was still a good day overall: Started with Pump and a ridiculously hard cardio class, and then I was fairly active all day. It was actually nice, last night. As I was getting dressed, I could really tell that being 'good' for a week makes a difference. I felt so much better about myself. Like I actually felt ATTRACTIVE in what I was wearing. It was nice´. That's what I need to remember. Especially on a day like today, where I am hungover, bored, having a rest day and am by myself, I mustn't binge. Well, that's why I am back here, anyway. Even the scales were nice to me this morning though. 66.4kgs, and that after I had already drank lots and lots of water. But, I do know that alcohol stuffs up your water levels so it may not be accurate (although usually I am heavier the morning after!!)

Alright, so I sort of want to talk about last night, but I sort of don't (TMI and all). I had a major flashback from the past. This new place has opened in town and it's sorta 'scene' (rock etc) club. I went there with my friend last night, and I bumped into this group of people I was really close to a few years ago. They're all about 3-4 years older than me (with a few exceptions), but I stopped being friends with them because all they do is drink, work shitty jobs, drive around, and drink more. I'm not really like that, so we drifted apart. Having said that, we did have good times together so seeing them was weird!
Not only that, but among them was this guy I used to have a 'thing' with. For about 8 months, we were having a casual realtionship, went out for a week of that but he cheated, and then somehow it just stopped. He's a serial cheater and a bit of a manwhore, but nevertheless I was crazy about him. I would basically accept our relationship on any terms he wanted as long as I could still have him, I would do almost anything. But, for the last, well, 14 or so months, I hand't seen him.

But then, last night, I'm walking up to the door, and just hear someone say "Well, well, M., fancy seeing you here." I think my heart skipped a beat. I swallowed, sad hi and hugged him, but couldn't really gather my thoughts. All the while my best friend is standing next to me (knowing him and my history) giving me warning looks. Anyway we went in, and he started texting me, then we met inside, and wound up making out. It was just like I remembered, and it was good. Basically we agreed that he'd come back to mine at the end of the night (bear in mind we were both pretty intoxicated). Then, though, we seperated and I wound up with this other guy... and we went home together. Now I've never done that before. I wasn't too drunk to think clearly, so I can say that it was a fairly conscious decision. And he was sexy (Tatoos head to toe, 6 years older, he looked a bit like the lead singer from Blink 182). Plus it gave me the opportunity to not enter danger territory with the ex. So yeah, all that led to an interesting night, which I'm not gonna describe in detail (and it doesn't matter).

But then when I woke up, I had 7 texts from Mr Ex, asking where I was (which was odd, as he usually would move on to the next girl). Today, he is still texting me, and we may or may not have made a date for Thursday or Friday night. Woah. So I am completely confused, and a bit cautious. I just don't know if I should go there, although I really want to (there is a lot more to that relationhip of ours, because his sister and I used to be mates and hate each other now, but that's a whole different story). So what to do? I know I could have just said no, but obviously part of me wants it or I wouldn't have said yes. Looks like I'll be spending my week anticipating another text from him... I'll keep you posted.

Anyway, my verdict from last night is that I have a major confidence boost now! Sorry for going so offtopic, but I just wanted to write this all down and see it more clearly.
As I said, food is going ok. I am up to 9 binge free days if I make it through today - YAY!

Love, M.

P.S: No, I don't go out and get with a different guy every weekend. This was pretty much a one off. Please don't lose faith in me ;)

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